Yesterday I talked about coming to the realization of just how unrealistic it is to maintain virtually no water retention and just how frustrating it is to try. So, no more. I even removed the sodium tracking from my MyFitnessPal.com settings so I wasn’t tempted to look at it (this will not be easy for me; I’ve trained myself to look at sodium only second to calories).
However, even with that gone, it still leaves me with the struggle I talked about at the end of the post=finding balance. I admit that this is something I’m terrible at and it’s still so difficult. I feel like I’m either losing weight or gaining weight, never just holding steady. I know that’s not entirely true, but it still feels that way.
It’s ALL in my mind; I need to change my way of thinking. I prayed and prayed that God would help me through the dieting phase and find the discipline to stick to such a strict plan and change my eating patterns fast. He answered; he gave me the strength, desire and willpower to make it through successfully. Now, I need to stop trying to again rely on myself to keep the weight off – it’s a lifelong struggle and therefore, I need to give it to Him as well!
Here’s my issue: I get going on eating healthy and all is good. I’m good at dieting. I have willpower. I’m good at counting calories, measuring portions, etc. It’s when I’m not being extremely anal and precise in that area (celebration meal, etc.) that I have trouble and throw it all out the window. I feel this sense of “well, I’ve already blown it, so I might as well buy some candy while I’m not dieting and not bother exercising, either“.
Of course, when I am enjoying food that isn’t as healthy for me, that is when exercise becomes even more important! So the question is, if I KNOW this, why don’t I do it?
I’m trying not be overly down on myself for this, because I know I’m not alone in this struggle. I mean, almost 70% of the American population wouldn’t be overweight or obese if I were alone in this. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to become empowered to break this cycle!
A big part of it seems to be that I’m so used to dieting now, depriving myself, that when I get the chance/excuse to eat something like pizza or cake, I just go nuts, like I haven’t had those things forever. It’s not that I overindulge in those items, per se. I’ve actually done a decent job and learning portion control. But it’s like I feel like I’m still dieting and now that I’ve eaten pizza or whatever, I need to get in all the other things I love before I “go back to dieting'”.
The change starts there: I’m NOT dieting anymore. I’m finding balance. I can enjoy pizza one day and eat healthy the next. BALANCE.
Father God, please help me find balance. Help me to maintain overall healthy eating patterns without completely depriving myself or being able to ever enjoy the foods you’ve designed me to love. I know that you’ve given us diverse foods to enjoy; please help me to enjoy them in moderation and realize that I can do that without being either dieting or not dieting. It’s just food. I need food to survive. I’m blessed to live in one of the richest nations in the world where I should be so lucky as to struggle with having too much food and too many choices at my disposal. Help me to enjoy and fuel myself in a healthy way. I pray all these things in your precious Son’s name, Jesus.
3 thoughts on “A Fickle Little Thing Called BALANCE”
I am so glad to see you posting again! While I am still in my weight loss phase, I only have 20 lbs to go before I am finished with that. I see myself so much in you and am anticipating those same struggles. Your prayer at the end was beautiful. It is just food. And He did create in us the tastes for certain foods and He did not intend for us to obsess about the scale every morning because of eating those foods. I am so guilty of that – and the gluttony.
I truly admire you Angie. Thank you for sharing your struggle. As I mentioned before, I know it is a spiritual battle and it is cool to find someone who gets that.
Thanks, Kari. Your support in this area means so much to me. I have a feeling we’re going to be leaning on each other a lot in about 20 lbs.
At the same time, I will pray that you do not have the same struggles and that if I can help head some of that off for you, awesome!! 🙂
Your dedication is inspiring, my love.