Tag Archives: Prayer

Sad and Powerless

Well, the fact that I haven’t posted a blog post in a really long time has got to clue everyone in at how maintaining my weight loss is going. :-(

It’s truly alarming to me the rate at which I can gain back weight when not paying attention at all. Clothes now don’t fit. Confidence is gone. I give it to God; but I keep taking it back. It is not well with my soul.

How many times have I written that I believe the key for my personal success in this journey is moving? God knows I will give him the diet, but He wants me to stop sitting around and get in shape. I feel like since I haven’t truly been willing to do that yet, I haven’t been able to maintain success with food either.

So, today I started using a new website (Lose It!) and mobile app to track my food. Honestly, it’s not so much about how many calories I eat, exactly, but about being aware of what I’m putting in my mouth. I so have a tendency to take it to either extreme – dieting like a mad woman and losing weight like a fiend, or simply not caring and eating whatever I want in any quantity I want (read: fully succumbing to gluttony).

I am starting slow. I am not diving in to any grand diet plan. I’m taking this first week to just be aware of what I put in my mouth and track it (which, by nature, makes me eat better). I’ve alrady been putting my Zumba DVDs to better use and have been having some friends over for “class” twice a week (which is actually fun!!). I’ve been using the community pool and swimming more and yesterday morning I started exploring some of the beautiful neighborhood trails in our new neighborhood (oh, and did I mention that we started eating out constantly because we were packing/moving/unpacking and just never stopped?). But none of that is doing me any good when it’s not consistent and I’m eating fast food regularly.

But this time, probably the most important component for me, is that I’m not doing this alone this time. I have friends who are sharing this struggle and we’re going to do it together. I bought Lysa TerKeurst’s Made to Crave Ministry Kit awhile back and today I finally opened it. It’s a 12-week DVD study that really unpacks the things, and goes even further, than the book I’ve already read and talked about, Made to Crave.

Included is the Made to Crave Devotional, which I have not yet read. The very intro itself is what prompted this blog post and really all I wanted to share right now, but of course that would have been cryptic on its own. ;-)

I also know what it’s like to feel sad and powerless in this battle to get healthy.

I want to lead Jesus girls on a journey that will help them find a stick-to-itiveness and a lasting want-to that taps into something much more powerful than the surface desires of wanting to weigh less and wear a smaller size. We need to tap into this power because the battle we face isn’t just with sugary, fatty or salty foods. There is a spiritual battle going on. It’s real. And it’s amazing how perfectly the Bible gives us specific ways to find victory with our food struggles.

Even for girls like us who don’t crave carrot sticks.

Can I get an Amen? Can I also get some prayer for this journey? I really want to see it through to the end, for once in my life, and I can’t do it alone.


Needing Some Encouragement…

Well, I’m in the middle of Week 3 of The Metabolism Miracle, and I’m actually feeling very pessimistic. I’ve had a persistent thought running through my mind this week that I’ve really been trying to fight, because I know it’s the evil one putting it there: “I’ll always be fat”.

I feel like no matter what I do, no matter what diet I attempt, I am just stuck right where I am and my body isn’t going to budge. :-(

I did have a moment earlier this week where I felt thinner; my clothes were fitting a bit better and I thought I might be making progress. Unfortunately, that moment is gone and I no longer feel that way…

I am almost done with 3 full weeks. I’ve lost nothing since the end of Week 1. Now, I know I’m not supposed to be getting on the scale, but I just can’t resist. How else am I supposed to gauge how I’m doing, if I’m making any mistakes, if the food choices I’m making are working?

Summer is coming. Well, here in Texas, it’s pretty much already here, with temps holding steady in the 80s and even 90s everyday. I’m still not comfortable enough to wear shorts and I’m still not comfortable enough to wear sleeves that are shorter than down to my elbows.

I’m eating according to plan, I’m more active and I’m exercising.

Will I ever be comfortable in my own body again? Even after hitting my goal weight with Slimgenics, I still wasn’t comfortable enough to do those two things, so I’m really starting to question if it’s even possible for me to ever feel “in shape” again…

Part of me feels like I need to just accept that this is the weight I’m going to be and try to enjoy life anyway. Buy some clothes that comfortably fit me at this weight and move on. Then I think, NO!! That’s not good enough. Other people have succeeded, I can too! Or… can I?

I’m sure my internal struggle is plain for all to see. If I feel like I need to keep pressing on, then I know I won’t be content until I get there. This keeps me from enjoying life on a daily basis. That’s not good. God did not design me to feel this way and I know it.

But on the other hand, I feel like if I accept being content where I am now, I’ll certainly never get where I want to be, because I’m struggling to do it while fighting for it!

I know there’s a biblical answer somewhere… I just haven’t found it yet. I will continue to be in prayer and continue to give this over to God, because that’s all I can do…


The Unspoken Gluttony Approval

So, Mike and I are doing a Beth Moore Paul study. While not addressing gluttony at all, one of our questions was the following:

Are there some issues in our families, our churches and our culture at large that we as Christians often approve of by our silence?

Now, there are clearly many things that fit this bill, but the first thing that came screaming into my mind was GLUTTONY!!! And in our discussion of this question, I started thinking, not only does the church rarely discipline for gluttony, think of how many in church leadership are guilty of this very sin themselves! We say nothing, offering “silent approval”.

Now clearly and very personally, I know how sensitive an issue this is – but really, it’s our culture that has made it such! The extreme importance that has been placed on physical appearance has turned this spiritual issue into a taboo issue too sensitive to discipline.

So in thinking about that, my mind immediately went back to something I read in Lysa TerKeurst’s Made to Crave (seriously, how many times can I mention her or her book before I have to pay her royalties? ;-) ):

If I was honest with myself, my issue was plain and simple-a lack of self-control. I could sugar-coat it and justify it all day long, but the truth was I didn’t have a weight problem; I had a spiritual problem. I depended on food for comfort more than I depended on God. And I was simply too lazy to make time to exercise.

So if gluttony is a sin, which it clearly is, and self-control issues and gluttony are spiritual problems, why do we do nothing? Why do we not confront it as we should and get help, just as we would for any other sin that isn’t “silently approved of”?

But doesn’t it feel unfair? Don’t we want this burden and struggle with food to be removed? I know I have prayed MANY times for God to take this addiction from me; to heal my body and allow me to be one of those people who can eat whatever they want and not gain weight. I see other people who can do this; why do I have to struggle so? But, consider the following, which I had never considered (not even remotely considered) until I read it in Lysa’s book:

When I get all caught up in how unfair it is that my friend is skinny and doesn’t have to work at it, how she can eat what she wants when she wants, and how much it stinks that I can’t be like her, I remind myself that God didn’t make me to be her. You see, He knew even before I was born that I could easily allow food to be an idol in my life, that I would go to food, instead of to Him, to fulfill my needs. And in His great wisdom, He created my body so that it would experience the consequences of such a choice, so that I would continually be drawn back into His arms. He wants me to come to Him for fulfillment, emotional healing, comfort-and if I could go to food for that and never gain an ounce, well then, what would need God for?

Whoa. Idolatry is a SERIOUS offense for a Christian. I mean, it means the very first commandment, the one that Jesus himself said was the very most important one, the one that states “You shall have no other gods before me.“ (Exodus 20:3 ESV), is being broken by me when I do not gain victory over gluttony!

So, I wonder if, in some small way (and I’m still wrapping my brain around this, because it doesn’t FEEL like it), having to struggle with my weight when I eat things that aren’t wise choices is actually a blessing. Because if I overcome this, as I have before, then I am pissing off the devil and winning a spiritual battle! Who doesn’t want to do that?

I know I’ve always talked about gluttony and how much of a sin it is, but this Paul study, a study that has nothing to do with gluttony, was what God used to lead me down a path and tell me, “Hey!! This is serious! You NEED to get a handle on this and not just look at it as dieting. This is a battle you need to win, once and for all. No more yo-yo dieting, no more excuses. Stop making food an idol and putting it above Me!” I’m thinking I should listen…

Father God, please give me the strength and please keep reminding me, so that I shall never forget that I am prone to placing food above You and that I shouldn’t minimize it and make it just a diet. Please also touch those who may not have come to this realization yet and help them realize it faster than I did. If I can help anyone else along in this journey, please use me! Give me the courage and the words to speak when needed. Bring me confidently to the end of this battle and to remain victorious until the time I get a brand new body in Christ! In Jesus’ name, Amen.


Back to Basics!

So we’re done with the 24-day Challenge and I’m overall happy with the results.

But… where to go from here?

I am soooo the “need a plan to follow” girl, and while I plan to continue using AdvoCare products and incorporating them into my life for overall health, I still need a more concentrated and focused plan for weight loss. It’s just who I am!

This is why I loved SlimGenics so much. For me, it was really a very simple matter: follow the plan, lose weight. Don’t follow the plan, don’t lose weight. And, since I was staring at 100 lbs to lose, I was willing to make the major sacrifices to drop the weight quickly and not feel so overwhelmed with what was in front of me. Thank you SlimGenics – you ROCK!! :-D

But now, do I really want to do it again? No, I honestly don’t. I want to be able to enjoy the foods I love in moderation – I am just not in a place where I feel I need to completely remove them from my diet. I don’t want to be miserable because I’m living a life of pure abstinence from foods I enjoy – being thin just isn’t worth that. But, by going back to a simple plan, I know I can achieve that balance. :-)

Weight Watchers company logo

Image via Wikipedia

Mike and I talked about where we are and really think our best bet right now is to return to Weight Watchers online. It’s worked for us both in the past, and it’s something that will help us lose the weight (albeit slower than SlimGenics, but that’s ok!) and still allow us to indulge from time-to-time.

The main reason that I didn’t do Weight Watchers when I had so much weight to lose is simply a matter of impatience. I knew it would take a long time to lose that kind of weight using Weight Watchers and I didn’t know if I had it in me to stay the course for that long. I thought I would likely get frustrated with plateaus, etc. and not make it through. SlimGenics gives you plateau-breakers and constant support (not to mention the 3 lbs a week I lost!), so it was a much better option for me to lose a large amount of weight.

But now, without that much to lose, I think it’s going to be just the tool I need to help moderate my food choices. Plus, I can then continue to use it for maintenance once I reach my goal (again). Clearly, just throwing myself to the wolves with no plan after reaching goal didn’t work so well for me. ;-)

I signed up today. I plan to start right away (well, probably Monday).

So really, even though my #1 journey on this blog was weight loss, I guess it’s really starting again with a new plan. Dear God, give me what I need, just as you have done in the past. I know with a plan, I can do all things through You! Help me stay focused on you and the fact that my body is a temple. Remind me that gluttony is just as much of a sin as any and living that way is not pleasing to you any more than if I were an alcoholic. I pray all these things in the precious name of your Son, Jesus. Amen. :-)


I WANT to Like Exercise!

I really, really do! But… I really, really don’t. :-(

I know what it’s like to feel that “good” soreness in the muscles. But generally speaking, I wouldn’t associate the word “good” with the pain of exercise. I just don’t like it. I’m being honest here. I don’t WANT to do it.

Yesterday afternoon, we went to the YMCA as new members. Went up to the cardio theater where they were playing the second Pirates of the Caribbean movie. Got on the elliptical. Couldn’t see any of the buttons because it was pitch black in the room (ha!) so I just started to move. Couldn’t tell how fast I was going (the elliptical at Fitness 19 had the same speeds on it as a treadmill, so it made sense to me – this one seemed to have strides per minute or something). After about 5 minutes, I got off and decided to get on the treadmill because I was clearly going too fast on the elliptical and wearing myself out…

Was on the treadmill for about 10 minutes when I noticed my shoes getting loose. Looked down to see that one of my shoelaces was coming undone and was immediately hit by a wave of nausea and dizziness. Whoa. Got off the treadmill and was welcomed with an immediate splitting headache. What?

So… that was it for me for the day. Welcome back to exercise, right? Sigh… :-(

Now, I am sure this is the evil one attacking me, knowing that the third leg to my table of health is physical health. But knowing that doesn’t make it suck any less, does it? ;-)

To compound everything, I’m also feeling really frustrated right now, diet-wise. I started out really well with the AdvoCare 24-day challenge. Made it through the first 10 days (the cleanse phase) and was down 7.6 lbs! Awesome. Then… I don’t know what happened! After like day 12, I’ve been gaining and gaining, every single day. As of this morning, I’m only down 4 lbs (today is Day 17 of 24)!! I’m eating the same foods, but something is just not working all of a sudden. I don’t get it at all… :-(

It’s all enough to make a girl want a pizza…

Ok, so, enough whining for the day! Let’s remember the great daily prayer from Made to Crave:

God, I recognize I am made for more than the vicious cycle of being ruled by food. I need to eat to live, not live to eat. So, I keep asking for Your wisdom to know what to eat and Your indwelling power to walk away from the things that are not beneficial to me. I also pray for the desire to fight through the beginning stages of an exercise routine and make it a want in a my life. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Sorry for the major downer post. On the bright side, the Y does have free Zumba classes and if anything is going to re-motivate me to start exercising, it’s Zumba! Please pray that I actually start going to Zumba classes next week and love it as much as I remember. :-)

Happy New Year everyone!


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